Chess Forum
legalserv.com << - < - > - >>
| From | Message |
| Posted by kestutis legalserv.com 4/16/2008 23:24:07 play online chess |  Subject: Chess jokesMessage: I found one that made me laugh outloud: "So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!" |
| Posted by chessnovice legalserv.com 4/17/2008 03:10:18 play online chess | always been my favorite Message: "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." |
| Posted by taufiq legalserv.com 4/17/2008 04:37:56 play online chess | ... Message: "What's it like, where you are now," he asked. "What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?" "Tell me the good news first." "Well, it's really heaven here. There are chess tournaments with incredible classical, rapids and blitz sessions going on all the time 24/7 with Morphy, Stenitz, Pillsbury, Dr. Lasker, Capablanca, Alekhine, Dr. Euwe, Botvinnik, Bronstein, Tal, Petrosian, they're all here, and you can play any one of them at anytime." "Fantastic!" the friend said, "so what is the bad news?" "You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday." |
| Posted by akisame legalserv.com 4/17/2008 06:03:45 play online chess | . . . Message: Beating Chewbacca at chess - wookie mistake. |
| Posted by akisame legalserv.com 4/17/2008 06:22:07 play online chess | . . . Message: The next day another tournament player goes swimming, and his leg also has a bite taken out of it. Same thing the third day. Strangely, though there are other people at the beach, it is only the chess players that are being nibbled. In an effort to assure the public and keep the tournament from collapsing, a strong net is placed around the beach and the queen is asked if she can intervene. "It is well known that you play chess, your Majesty. There is a protective net up now, and if you can swim safely, then the players will be reassured and the people can feel comfortable on our beaches again. The queen agrees, and goes for a quick swim. She has been out for only a minute when she yelps. She is quickly pulled out of the water, and her leg inspected. Lo and behold, another shark bite. This time however, it appears the shark dd not remove any flesh. The public is told tha queen has emerged in one piece. The tabloids cannot resist the story. The next day's headlines read "Queen's gam bit, declined." |
| Posted by ionadowman legalserv.com 4/17/2008 13:49:09 play online chess | The rivalry... Message: "Last night, I had a dream... I dreamed I had died, and was wafted to the gates of heaven. There I stood at the Pearly Gates accosted by St Peter, who asked my who I was. Says I, 'I am Aleksandr Aleksandrovitch Alekhine, Chess Champion of the World!' 'Chess Champion!" says St Peter, "We don't allow chess players to enter the Kingdom of Heaven! To the nether place you must go!' Well, feeling disconsolate, I was about to turn away, when who should drift by but Bogoljobov, complete with angel wings and halo, plinking a harp and floating on a cloud. 'Hang on a moment!" says I, "What about Bogoljubov here? He's a chess player and you let him in!' 'Bogojubov a chess player?" quoth the Saintly Doorkeeper, 'Nah! He just thinks he is!' " Cheers, Ion |
| Posted by tag1153 legalserv.com 4/18/2008 08:43:42 play online chess | as told by Capablanca Message: "I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room." "Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black with perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!" "I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room." "Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail." "It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins." About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?" "Why, we killed him, of course." |
| Posted by caro-kann legalserv.com 4/23/2008 03:28:11 play online chess | A horrible joke ;) Message: The press come in to congratulate the winner and to interview him. The first few questions go along swimmingly, however, the next question is not fully heard. The winner's reply is though : I started out with two Fried Livers - really robust, strong openers - even I was surprised at my own audacity to try it. In the middle, I had a nice King's Indian - every piece complemented each other thorougly, with lots of depth in the preparation - a true flash of brilliance. To finish it off, I decided on the Danish. It was an interesting thing - the many layers and discoveries that were made. It was a sweet ending. To answer your question, I thoroughly enjoyed that particular lunch. |
Chess news: Kamsky-Topalov Chess Match Back on Track -- The world chess championship semifinal match between Gata Kamsky of the United States and Veselin Topalov of Bulgaria has been set for February 16 to 28, 2009. Kamsky and Topalov and their representatives signed the contracts Tuesday at the Chess Olympiad in Dresden, Germany. The chess match will be played in Bulgaria after the country’s chess federation agreed to put up a prize fund of $250,000. Topalov, the No. 1 ranked chess player in the world, was seeded into the match by the World Chess Federation. Kamsky earned his place by winning the World Cup last year. The winner of the chess match will face Viswanathan Anand of India, the world chess champion, in a title match under ... Russia defeats England at Chess Olympiad -- Top seed Russia bounced back after drawing Germany in the last round to beat England 3-1 Wednesday in round six of open division play at the Chess Olympiad. The Russian chess team was led by former world chess champion Vladimir Kramnik over Nigel Short on board one. Short gave up a rook and two pawns for two knights and was then ground down. Russia's other win came from Dmitry Jakovenko on board four at the expense of Stuart Conquest. The other two games, England's David Howell versus Peter Svidler and Russia's Alexander Morozevich versus Gawain Jones were drawn. It was a big win for Russia, after 11th-seed Germany had battled all four games against ... Armenia takes possession of 1st place at Chess Olympiad -- The Russian chess team — touted as the strongest ever assembled for a Chess Olympiad — was derailed in Thursday open division play in round seven of the chess tournament by the defending gold medal Armenian team 2.5-1.5, which took sole possession of first place. In the only decisive game of the chess match, Gabriel Sargissian defeated Alexander Grischuk on board three. The other three games were all draws, with Armenian Levon Aronian versus Vladimir Kramnik on board one, Vladimir Akopian versus Peter Svidler on board two, and Tigran L. Petrosian versus Dmitry Jakovenko on board four. The win gave Armenia 6.5 match points out of seven. France, Germany and ... | |